Javert Eats Out
by Jessica R Vance
Summary: From the makers of "The Bus To Paris," another installment in the "IDIOTIC JAVERT ADVENTURES"!


Javert Eats Outs  
  
by the same loser who brought you "The Bus To Paris"  
  
Rating: G. No swearing this time.  
  
Summary: Javert eats out. Duh.  
  
Disclaimer: You can have it.  
  
---  
  
Javert was intimidating. Javert was tall. Javert was obsessive.  
  
Javert... was hungry.  
  
He didn't get hungry very often - eating took away from precious time which could be spent arresting malefactors. But right now, he was very starvy. So he went into the next Les McDonalds he spotted.  
  
Now, Javert had never eaten at Les McDonalds before, so he had to look at the menu for some time. The young fop at the cash register (Phillipe was his name) was about to fall asleep, when the inspector made his decision.  
  
Or, so Phillipe thought.  
  
"What does a Number Cinq consist of?" Javert asked.  
  
"Les Nuggets Poulet, les fries (there was no need to call them French, because they were already in France, and doing so would be redundant), and un coca," Phillipe answered boredly, "You can supersize it for 49 centimes more."  
  
This caught Javert off guard (though few things do). "What does that mean?"  
  
"You can make les fries and le coca bigger," Phillipe answered, as though saying the sky was blue.  
  
"Ah." Javert was deep in thought. And he stayed that way for quite some time. Phillipe was, again, about to fall asleep, when Javert said, "I would like one of those."  
  
"One of what?" Phillipe, being a young man, had forgotten easily.  
  
"A Number Cinq," Javert answered, irritated. "What else would I be talking about?"  
  
Phillipe shrugged and said, "Would you like to supersize it?"  
  
This presented Javert with a new problem. Being methodical and patient, he resumed his thinking. This was an important decision, and he had to make the right choice.  
  
This also presented Phillipe with a problem. It was nearing time for his shift to end, but he couldn't just walk away from the register with a customer standing there. He sighed.  
  
"Don't you take that tone of voice with me!" the Inspector boomed thunderously (for how else would one boom without being terribly unimpressive?). Phillipe stared innocently (and a little frightened...ly) at him.  
  
"I... I'm sorry sir," he quivered, "I just had a yawn."  
  
"A yawn? On the job!?" the insanely hungry (or insane *and* hungry) policeman pointed his intimidating nightstick at the fop. "You, sir, are lucky to HAVE work! Look at you. You're a pock-faced, filthy, scurrilous little idiot! How ungrateful of you, to yawn on the job!" Javert lowered his nightstick and turned his attention once more the menu, fuming silently.  
  
"Excuse me, sir..." Phillipe said, and winced when the older man turned a furious gaze on him (how *dare* he interrupt his Javertly thinking!?). "May I be excused for a moment? I seem to have soiled myself."  
  
That tore it. "SOILED yourself!?" Javert exploded. "True men don't SOIL themselves, you little pansy!" He shook his fist in the angriest manner he could muster on an empty stomach. "You may NOT be excused, you will ring up my Number Cinq, SUPERSIZED, with un COCA, and one of your OREO MCFLURRIES!"  
  
Phillipe, rather shakily, rang this frumpy order up and squeaked, "That will be 5 francs and 84 centimes, monsieur."  
  
Javert dug in his pocket and pulled out... 5 francs. He frantically searched for more, but to no avail. He was only 84 francs short of the Les Nuggets Poulet that he craved.  
  
The poor famished Inspector threw back his head and howled, "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"  
  
Phillipe counted. "32 O's," he commented, "You must be really hungry, monsieur."  
  
"I AM very hungry!!!" Javert moaned, pounding the counter with his massive fists. "I've been hungry for several hours now, and because of YOU, because of YOU..." He completely broke down and clung to the cash register.  
  
"I'm sorry, monsieur," a not-really-very-sorry Phillipe said, "but I must go now. It's past my time to leave." Before the befuddled Javert could pounce, Phillipe rushed out the door.  
  
Javert, hungrier than ever, trudged out the door to resume his duties.  
  
Poor, poor Javert. He just can't catch a break, can he? Well, maybe he will in the next installment of my "IDIOTIC JAVERT ADVENTURES"!  
  
Coming whenever.  
  
- FIN - 


End file.
